i shall post about happy and high stuffs first, and then the emo ones will come last. (by request of yueling <3)

yesterday

had bio supp. and regine never sit with yueling and i, HMPH! then after bio supp we found out that regine couldn't go my house with yueling and i cause her mum wants to bring her to see the doctor. i was kinda disappointed. but anyways, yueling and i had fun at my house!!

we went kap for lunch. walked around cold storage first cause macs was still serving breakfast food. then we ordered our food and talked. about a lot. and we weren't very high then. i was very worried that we would emo at my house. so after eating we went to the bus stop.

and guess what made us high?? WANLI!!!!!!!! haha seriously. cause this bus stopped at the bus stop we were waiting at, and yueling pointed to the bus. so i looked in her direction and spotted wanli. actually i could only see the top half of her face cause she was sitting down. and i went 'HI!!!!!!!!!' haha then yueling also said hi!

then later we both found out that yueling pointed to the bus not because she spotted wanli, but because she saw her ex-classmate in hwachong. and she was quite shocked when i said 'HI!!!!!' cause she thought i was saying hi to her friend!! HAHA!! and then we were laughing like mad and started getting high!! YAY THANKS TO WANLI!!

on the way to my house i suggested we play table tennis!! and yueling agreed! so we booked the multi-purpose hall!!!

before table tennis we used the comp. watch a bit of youtube, checked my mail, see facebook and tvxqfever. then played bolero on piano for yueling. and i think yueling likes the dvd i made! yay.

while playing table tennis we were highing and singing at the same time!! super fun!! and yueling and i make good table tennis partners! cause our standards are about the same!! so we generally had fun playing!! oh yah we were singing the songs and playing table tennis. the songs are from the dvd i made and we played on my portable dvd player.

at one point the player was playing the video of changmin's mirotic scream. and it was super hilarious!! cause we were playing and screaming haha.

we played for one and a half hour without break. our only break was when we tried following mirotic dance steps when the dvd player played the mirrored dance version of mirotic. but that isn't really considered a break.

then went back to my house. yueling watched more ehb. i kinda half slept cause i was pretty tired. wow and yueling was really tired on the way back to her house. she slept during the bus journey haha. then i had to go tien hsia.

ate bibimbap for dinner at the korean restaurant and met regine there. i almost died eating the bibimbap cause i arrived there rather late so i had to eat fast. and moreover the food was so temperature hot!!

yah that's basically it. it's kinda hard to write a high event when my current mood is kinda depressed and emo.

today

at the beginning of wushu training was ok. oh at one point of my taolu i almost hit cai jiaolian!! super funny lah. cause that part was near the end of my taolu, and it was the part where xue and zhou jiaolian told me that i have to use a lot of strength. and i did, making the cudgel have that whooshing sound. and when i did i almost hit caijiaolian, cause he was sitting down and didn't have time to react. it was so close, maybe about 5-10 cm??

and moreover, according to seryeen i think, when i did it, i had this very i-wanna-kill-you look on my face. so after i almost hit him, cai jiaolian had this very freaked out and shocked expression, which made me burst into laughter immediately. and all the other sec twos were watching cause he asked them to watch me. and they also laughed. LOLS SUPER HILARIOUS LAH!!! and wanqing was very impressed and was saying goodgood when i told her haha.

oh and i can't jump without stumbling when i land!! so irritating!! haiss must go practice more.

and here's the part which made me depressed and sad now.

well the comps date are out, and my comps is on the 6th of april. and the paper also tells us how many people we're competing against. and i found out that i have to compete against 22 people! actually it's 21 people, excluding me. that's like so crazy. i shall minus shenlin and qianyi's super pro friend, so it's 19 people in all. and i'm aiming for the 2nd to 4th position. and this means i only have a pathetic 3 out of 19 percent chance in winning a medal.

and this seems... hopeless to me. hmm i know i ought to be more optimistic, but seriously, the number of people competing is really intimidating me. look at boon hui's nanquan, only four people including her are competing! and she has such a high chance of winning. i supposed this is the meaning of 'life is unfair'.

and guess what? i cried again. after knowing that i have to compete with 21 people. i suppose i'm really a coward, a crybaby, and a afraid-to-lose person. and perhaps my expectations are too high. like i've been training in wushu for only one year, and i want to win a medal, plus competing with so many people. hmm this expectation may be a bit too far-fetched.

but i just want to get at least a medal. i think i've put in a lot of effort in trainings, and getting a medal has always been my aim. i would hate to see my efforts go down to waste. perhaps i should face up to reality and pull down my expectations a bit lower. like maybe hoping that i don't end up in the last position?? but that's a bit too... yah.

and thanks to all those who have encouraged me, especially wanqing, carol and esther. thanks a lot. but i just have this feeling, deep down, that actually i don't have a chance of winning. and many people think so too. oh no i'm being pessimistic. even though cai jiaolian says that i'm good and all that, but i don't know why, i feel like it's just an encouragement, or rather a sarcasm to encourage me.

moreover in c division, it's actually a lot easier to win than in b division. so imagine not winning a thing, is there even hope of doing well in wushu in the future?

oh no this part is really depressing, i hope people's impression of me are not changed because of this post. even typing this post seems awkward to me. cause all my previous posts are so happy and high, compared to this.

i shall try to be more optimistic. i shall try to forget the fact that i have to compete with 19 people for a medal. i shall try to do my best. i shall try to do my best to not let other events or facts affect my performance in whatever i do.

i'll try.