This is bad. I'm totally in a December holiday mood now. When there's only like.. 6 or 7 weeks left to end of years? I feel the urgency, and I see the amount of stuffs we have to study during this period of time, yet I'm not making the slightest effort to start working on them. It's near 4pm now, and the only thing I've accomplished is watching 白色巨塔 and watching table tennis and basketball YOG. Great Hilary, totally great.

I look at my homework list, and I see those undone stuffs, and yet I'm still happily going to facebook => youtube => twitter => livejournal => bloghopping => facebook, and the cycle keeps repeating until I sleep.

Is it the computer's fault for robbing me of my self-discipline? Or my fault for failing to have self-discipline when on the computer?

And yet as I question, blame, curse myself I don't do anything about it.

When I got back those horribly below expectation Block Test results, I get very very irritated and pissed with myself, and at that point of time I pledge to work extra hard. But the thing is, it's only that point of time, and once I go home that motivation totally goes poof out of my brain, and that usual cycle of internet surfing kicks in.

I start to reflect how I managed to kill my time without the Internet when I was in primary school till secondary one. And I can't remember what happened then at all.

When I look at the golden plaque as I sit on the dining table, I wonder if I got that because I didn't have broadband then.

Wait, it's not the internet's fault. It's mine. Entirely. Mine.

Knowing this, I am still un-guilty-ly wasting my time on this freaking electronic device. I'm not pissed with this device, in fact I'm extremely grateful for the existence of it, not only did it help me greatly in tons of work, but it also widened my social circle, and helped me gain a new good friend.

Even as I watched the piano recital last Thursday, I promised myself that I would work extra hard on piano, and once I came back home that night, I've lost this motivation completely.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME.

Conclusion: 1) I need someone to smack it into my head how important self-discipline is and at this rate I'm going I'll just.. IDK. 2) I can't do work with the computer in front of me, which means a) I destroy my computer, or b) I need to be dragged outside to study. Obviously I'll never do a).

[sidetrack] AND HOW DO YOU WRITE ABOUT LIFESKILLS CAMP IN THE NYAA DIARY. GAWD. LIKE HALF OF MY TIME SPENT THERE WAS.. SLACKING. [/sidetrack]

I need to be better, I need to be faster, I need to be stronger, I need to be smarter, I need to work harder, I need to stop doing useless stuffs. But yet I'm not putting in any effort to achieve this. It's not cause of laziness, and I've no idea what the cause is either.

I NEED TO START REALISING HOW MUCH I SUCK

I think I'll regret this one day.

To lighten up this super pissed-at-myself post, did you know you can play snake on youtube? When you're loading a video, pause it. You know the arrow keys you see on your keyboard. click right right up, and your snake game will appear. It's pretty cool.