I must say, Term 2 Week 4 was one hell of a week.

Monday, saw how one of my batchies didn't give her all on the carpet, saw how disappointed she was with her performance when she got down. Admist all the cheering and supporting, it suddenly dawned on me that my turn was coming the very next day. Got so frigging nervous that I couldn't eat at all. Barely ate that day.

Tuesday, sat on the bus to school replaying my moves over and over again, thighs somehow started trembling uncontrollably while I was trying to calm my nerves down. Replayed my moves again while sleeping on my table before school started. PE and BSP lecture seems to pass awfully slow. Got to CCHS, and somehow all the nerves disappeared. I guess prolly I was so nervous that I got immune to it. Still could high hours before my turn! And then something cropped up which those two were so certain that the judges will pull down our marks. Which I didn't quite believe, but made me rather irritated. Waiting for my turn was not exactly nerve wrecking as I imagined it to be, was more restless that my turn took so long to come. Plus the person after me kinda irritated me with her moaning to me how nervous she was, and how she is aiming to get something no matter what. .___. Had to politely ask her to keep quiet cause I needed some time alone before going up.

Wouldn't say that was my best performance, but neither was it the worst. Cause I almost lost my direction and got quite freaked out for a split second then. And I was honestly disappointed after my marks were announced, leaving the competition ground feeling quite depressed. Until Esther and Pingghee were like "HILARY YOU HAVE CHANCE OF GETTING SOMETHING!!" And I was like "YA RIGHT. My score so crappy how to get anything. It'll be a miracle if I do get something."

And that miracle did really happen. I somehow don't feel THAT happy getting the medal, ironically, when I used to wish so badly to get something since Sec 2 but failed till now. It's like part of me feel that I don't deserve it cause I got it mainly cause the standard for my event was really.. low.... And it felt more of a relief not disappointing others, those who jiayou-ed me, those who expected me to win something as I was after all, the vp of wushu, and not disappointing 695 (heh!). But I'm glad that I got this as a remembrance that I actually did train in wushu, who knows I may or may not continue it in JC.

(Sidetrack, it's quite amusing how all the competitors in my event, including the champion, minus-ed 0.2 marks cause of missing action. Like I don't see any missing action, so Esther concluded that the judges editted the tao without anyone knowing LOL.)

Thursday, wasn't nervous hours before jiti either, felt rather neutral oddly enough. It was cool to catch up with seniors before the competition. And mass taking pictures with batchmates! But then once it was our turn to report for competition, I must admit I grew really nervous. Like more nervous for my indiv. Scared that we'll screw big time, scared someone will lag, someone will make mistakes, especially when it's our last year, and so many of my batchmates spent all of trainings purely on jiti, suddenly scared that I'll be the one who pull them down and disappoint them.

Thought it was screwed after we got down the carpet, but suprisingly the score was okay-ish. Must say I was a bit disappointed that we didn't get anything, plus we were quite near to getting something (if not for that screwed up circle formation), but at the same time I kinda expected us not to get anything, so after knowing our position I felt rather neutral. But I'm glad that none of us cried! And the fact that our batch looked on the bright side - we improved tons from the second last position last year - really heartened me! Watching the video and found it not bad actually (apart from that formation grah).

Well you know what, it's the experience and memory that counts, whatever the results, cause what's important is the bond forged that will be forever remembered in us.

Am quite irritated by the stupid entry pass thingo. Like WALAO cause of how they restrict people to go watch, the competition venue felt so dead, like there wasn't as much cheering and high as compared to last year.

CONGRATS TO C DIVISION. It's like us seniors are so damn glad you guys won chung cheng and we were cheering like mad (though there were so few of us heh). B division, we were so close, oh well, it's alright.

Celebratory dinner after that at nex was awesome!!! Though I felt pretty tired and dead by then, but the dinner was still awesome nevertheless. First time eating at pastamania heh! Laughing, talking, eating together (plus a few juniors) was one memorable experience.

Though this week I slept earlier than my usual sleeping time, sleeping at 9+ to 10+ before the competition days, but somehow I felt a lot more tired than usual. Must really thank my deskie (Brenda!) for helping me catch up with work and being so accomodating by how tired/stony I was on Friday, and how I had to leave her to sit alone on three days. Must admit I felt super lost in most lessons on Wednesdays and Fridays, and missing all 3 sciences prac was totally win haha. Really glad I pulled through Friday, comprehension timed trial, bio spa, bio and physics make up prac.

Now that competition is over already, I feel really empty. Like after this there's no more goal or aim when I go back for trainings. Like there's no more 'next year' unlike the past few years. (Cause I ain't certain that I'm joining wushu again in JC). Moreover, if 'next year' will be without most of my batchies, I don't quite see the point. And really, time passes so damn fast. Last year, our last year of competitions felt so long away, and now it's just over. Within weeks, we'll be 'graduating' and passing down to our juniors, marking the end of our wushu experience in nanyang. SERIOUSLY IT FEELS TOO FAST.